I am not a local. S was born in Singapore and due to this fact; BB & GG also are locals. I am the only non-local. Sometimes it’s quite tiring straddling two countries, but the fact is that over the last decade plus, I consider Singapore to be home. I feel a huge relief when I land at Changi airport after a trip and understanding local lingo is a piece of cake for me. Contrast this to the first time I landed here, I desperately wanted to go back home to Mumbai!
I love Mumbai, but each time I go back, it’s changed a little bit more and a time will come, in the not too distant future, when I will be unable to recognize it at all.
So in recognition of the fact that I am half Singaporean, I came across this old entry from Talking Cock. Below are my favourites, so please click the link above to see the whole list. I also have taken some more from this list and some are my own!
You know you are a Singaporean when:
- When speaking to foreigners, you somehow feel a need to adopt an accent. (If you’re a DJ, this happens even when you’re not speaking to foreigners.)
- You won’t raise your voice to protest policies, but you’ll raise your fists to whack someone over Hello Kitty.
- You’re forever talking about businesses you want to set up but will probably never get around to starting.
- You’re never completely sure how many times you’ve sung the second verse of the National Anthem.
- You’ve sung the Majulah Singapura every single day since the day you’ve been in Primary 1, but you still don’t know the meanings of the lyrics.
- You move to where you want your child to go to school.
- You feel you can’t walk around naked in your own flat.
- You force your children to take Speech & Drama classes, but pray they won’t wind up in Arts later on.
- If you’re a guy, whenever you get together with your guy friends, you invariably trade army stories.
- If you’re a girl, whenever you get together with your girl friends, you invariably trade stories about how your stupid guy friends are forever trading army stories.
- You think the most important sporting event in Singapore this year was David Beckham switching from Manchester United to Real Madrid.
- It actually makes a difference to you being called an ‘NSMan’ rather than a ‘Reservist’.
- You’ve eaten more times at the Esplanade than you’ve actually seen shows there.
- You need campaigns to tell you how to be courteous, to flush toilets, have sex, etc.
- You feel the urge to add the suffix ‘-polis’ to everything, viz. Biopolis, Airtropolis, Fusionopolis, Entrepolis, etc.
- You’ll gladly spend $50,000 on a car, but will go to great lengths to save a few bucks on ERP charges or even a few cents on a parking coupon.
- If you’re pregnant, you have the strange ability to make people on the MRT fall asleep instantly.
- You copy down licence plate numbers of cars involved in accidents.
- No matter how old you are, you keep associating people with their secondary schools. (alternative: No matter how old you are, you secretly need to know what other people got for their PSLE, O levels and A levels.)
- You ‘chope’ a seat by placing a packet of tissues on the chair.
- You’re very forthright with your criticisms of the Gahmen, unless there’s a chance they might actually hear you.
- You think we’re living in a modern, sophisticated country even when our leaders still insist on wearing their school uniforms.
- You can never quite remember what “the core values” of Singaporeans are.
- You know all these acronyms and have no issues using them altogether in a sentence –NUS; NTU; ERP; SDU; PAP; MRT; LKY; GCT; PRC; TIBS; SBS; SMS; JB; JBJ; AMK; AYE; PIE; ECP; ISD; ISA; 5 C’s; CPF; CHIJMES; SPG; CWO.
- You think there’s nothing wrong with putting chili sauce on everything you eat.
- “Crossing the country” means taking the MRT tothe end of the line.
- You join queues without knowing or caring what the queue is for.
- You see nothing unusual about an organization of trade unions spending more time owning and operating supermarkets, parks, drugstores, amusement nightclubs, and financial services than planning the next strike.
- You get irritated if you don’t see a sign telling you how long your wait’s going to be for a bus, a train, or the expressway to take you where you want to go
- When you cross the border into Malaysia, you automatically and deeply fear for your life and your wallet. Especially your wallet!!
- You buy loads of chewing gum when you go overseas and try to smuggle it in.