Dilemma of a mother

Yesterday at work I got a call from GG. She sounded quite upset and asked me this question, “Mama why don’t we both spend more time together doing things?” I was quite set out by this question and the rest of the work day deteriorated. I spoke to her after I reached home and told her that when we go on our holiday (soon, very soon), we’ll do some mom-and-daughter stuff together like shopping and leave the boys at home

This morning when I woke up and checked my Facebook news feed, I saw that an old school friend had quit her job to be a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom) since her daughter was giving the equivalent of what is the O Levels here in May 2012. She wanted to be with her and give her moral support.

Everyday, especially now that the holidays are on, both G & BB don’t want me to go to work. On Monday when I was at home nursing a cold, both of them were so happy to see me there with them the whole day that it literally broke my heart!

This is an issue I’ve been grappling with for the past year or so. On on hand I do want to be a SAHM and be there physically for my children, but on the other hand, without the intellectual stimulation that work gives me, I am worried that I will mentally atrophy. I think going to work gives me the much needed ‘me time’ I need without needing to be a mom 24/7 and getting called to settle any/all differences/fights (choose the word) at home. The income I earn is useful too, to ensure that we are able to give our children all the extras that we want.

On one hand, I do know that if my current position was as interesting as it was made out to be in the initial interviews, then maybe I would enjoy this a lot more. As it is, the project I was hired for has been moved to mid next year and so i do not have any ‘output’ to show. Also since I leave about 3 hours earlier, the impression I get is that I am not thought as part of the team and things are happening without my involvement. Aah well, the best thing for me to do is to either accept this or quit. I have about a month to think through this well and would have made my decision by the time I am back from my holiday!

In the meantime, here’s something that came on my Facebook newsfeed a couple of days back. It’s an ivillage article about being able to afford to stay at home and what you can do if that is what you want to do.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Dilemma of a mother

  1. Not easy, this dilemma!
    I’m a SAHM, trying to start getting out and back into my teaching. I’ve made my decisions to be as present as possible, but I too enjoy it when i get out and do my stuff, for me. My husband might start traveling a bit, too – and in that situation I really want to be present with my kids. He went on a trip not long ago, and the separation anxiety is still very present. My children are also much younger than yours though. Good luck with your decision, and have a good holiday!

  2. Absolutely! My take on this is that we’re of the generation that was told “could have it all!”

    We’re all trying to do exactly that and realise that at some point, something gotta give. For me, it is probably my career at this point in time, but it also comes with the guilt that my training and education will be wasted if I was at home. Guess we need to find a middle ground, but in countries like Singapore, this middle ground is very hard to find…Aah, to keep looking!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s